Concussion

The easiest part about having a concussion is getting a concussion. 2 AM, half awake, I reluctantly called out to my mom.  Half asleep herself,she settled me on the ivory throne to do my business. A few minutes later, I told her I was done.

“OK,”she yelled from the other room. Hearing footsteps, I assumed she was in front of me. With my eyes still closed, I leaned forward, thinking she was standing there to catch me.

She wasn’t!

Instead of landing on mom like I do every single day of my life, I became one with the floor, the tub, and the wall. The shock jolted me more than the actual impact. For several seconds, I tried to make my mind understand what just happened. When I finally realized, I began to frantically laugh and cry. My mom sprang into action, feeling around my body making sure nothing was broken. Satisfied, she picked me up and carried me to bed.

“Mama,...my head...my head.” Without missing a beat, she placed an ice pack on my head. I fell asleep to my mom praying for me and woke up to her checking my head for bruises. My sweet mother stayed with me all night.

I woke up thinking everything was fine But the moment I set up on my bed, I knew something was wrong. Mom made a quick call to my primary care physician, Dr. Amen. He takes care of all my bump, bruises, and other disasters. Appointment set, we made our way to the Loft Coffee House for a morning meeting with my editor. Things went downhill from there.

One of my friends said, “What’s wrong Nissi? You look really tired.”

“I hit my head last night, and I feel funny…”

“You know...your eyes are not sparkling like they usually do. I think you might have a concussion.”

Of course, I did not want to admit that possibility, so I said, “I’m fine. Let’s keep working.” So, we did - for about two minutes, when the world started getting a little jiggly.  Finally, we decided something was really wrong. Back into the van and on to the emergency room..

After spending two hours in the hospital and taking over 12 x-rays of my head, shoulders, chest, neck and nose, the diagnosis was clear, CONCUSSION. The doctor told us I would be fine in a few days.

But I needed to hear it from Dr. Amen. He always puts Humpty Dumpty back together again. With his welcoming young-Santa smile, he scolded me, “You know, you don't have to hurt yourself to come see me!” A careful adjustment, his healing words, and we are on our way.

I was determined - my bruised brain would not slow me down, even though I felt like I was sitting in a boat. Then, the doctor told me no screens for several days. My heart sank.

I know what you’re thinking, Facebook and Instagram are not going anywhere. You’re right!

But that’s not why I was feeling so down. Before this, I was on a roll with my writing. I started getting very confident in my writing abilities. And I thought if I even stopped for a day, I would lose the ability to write well. Boy, the Lord had a lesson in that for me.

Day after day, it became harder for me to think clearly and to do simple things like drive my wheelchair or even carry a conversation with a single person. I started stuttering and forgetting minuscule things. The best way I can describe it is like this:

There’s this very amazing book called Pilgrim's Progress. In this book, there’s a guy named Christian. Christian, is carrying a pack on his back. This pack is quadruple  the size of Christian.

Now, imagine that pack on my back. That’s what it’s like for me on a regular basis. It is twice as hard for me to do anything a normal person can do. With a concussion, it would be me riding a bike uphill with that same pack. As a result, I was unable to write for one whole month.

I learned many things about myself during that time. I realized how much I take the abilities I do have for granted. I also learned, I hate feeling unproductive. In fact, I even started feeling a little depressed because of this.

One the biggest things I learned, is that I tried to rely on my abilities and my strengths when I came to writing. I remember sitting down to write and thinking, Nissi, you’re smart just start writing, darn it. Not once did I asked the Lord for help. Not once!

By week four of having my concussion I was so tired and frustrated, I finally went to my Heavenly Father. You see, I might be a good writer or not, but God makes me a great writer. God gives me the ability to talk, to think for myself and to be his vessel in this world.

After having conversation with my sister and expressing how frustrated I was with the concussion, I told her I had never felt so broken before. Which is kind of funny considering most people see me as broken.

And just like that, She reminded me of something, she said, “Nissi, you have a concussion. A concussion is a bruise. Bruises heal and they become whole again.You are not broken!”

So, I choose to be whole. There’s a Bible verse that i’m drawn to, It goes like this

Each time he said,

"My grace is all you need.

My power works best in weakness."

So now I am glad to boast

about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ

can work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

This does not mean I get to go around having a pity party. Complaining and boasting are two completely different action. For me, it’s a choice I have to make daily.

What choice are you going to make?