My Battling Partner

We all battle with lies and the voices in our heads telling us, "You can't succeed, give up!" And, of course, "You're not beautiful. You'll never have true friends." Etc. etc. etc.

By the grace of God, battling anxiety for three years taught me how to say “NO” to the lies.

Nevertheless there are several lies I still with struggle with today: "I can't do this alone," and "Why me, Lord? Why me? Why did you allow this to happen to me?  Why am I in a wheelchair? Why do I have to suffer?”

Screaming at the top of my lungs. Crying out to God. Pleading with him to take away the pain and everyday battle. I can't do this alone. I can't be what people want me to be. I'm not strong enough. I'm not brave enough. I'm a fraud. These are the thoughts that go through my mind. All daisies and roses, huh?

And just like that, the Lord meets me where I am. “Baby girl, Who told you you're alone? I'm here when you're crying in your bed. I'm here with you when you're screaming in frustration. You were not born to do this alone. I'm right here. Rely on me!

My sweet girl, you're only human. Humans make mistakes. But, the more you rely on me the more you'll see you can do anything. Because when You are weak, I am strong. Let me carry you, baby girl! Let me show you what true freedom is. My love for you is so beyond the understanding of men.”

I’m reminded daily of this with a calligraphy scripture on our bathroom wall. I love, love this scripture. It make me feel invincible:

“...but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
 (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭KJVA‬‬)

This scripture is precious to me, because this is what the Lord has been gently trying to pound into my thick skull my entire life. I believe I was born for victory. Dictionary.com explains victory beautifully: "A success or triumph over an enemy in battle or war."
If I was born for victory, that means I was born for battle as well. But the beauty of it is I don't ever have to battle alone. The Lord said he would never leave me and never forsake me. I believe that with all my heart. I have experienced His overwhelming love and security countless times.  I imagine God walking beside me through it all.
He was there when I fell off a horse the first time. He was there during my parents yelling matches. He was even there when I thought no one knew what I was looking at on my computer. He was there when I ran the Tough Mudder.

He is always here when I scream out, because I can't take the pain anymore!

Struggle and pains are part of life. But, we were never meant to do it alone! Make sure you have someone - whether it be the Big Guy upstairs or a significant other, a friend, someone walking beside you to remind you of your true potential.

P.S.  There's this beautiful Christian song that I absolutely love because it reminds me that I'm not alone. Here it is:


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